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Only one more week of testing- I think I've got...6-7 hours of it scheduled total- bone density scans, MRIs, EEGs, etc etc etc. And at the end of it, I get pie. :9 ....well, that's Thanksgiving, but still. Pie. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. It's going to be the awesomest Thanksgiving ever.
I do apologize for not being around much- in addition to the millions of doctor's appointments I've had, I've been enjoying my newfound freedom via Midodrine. That's the blood pressure meds, they give me about 12 hours of not being totally useless. On Saturday, Dan and I went to Dave and Buster's, and we spent four hours there, running around. It was awesome. THEN we went to a mall and Christmas shopped for a bit (it was useless, everything was too expensive, but it was fun). I wore Dan out. Seriously, he was tired BEFORE me. :D
So yeah, I need to give those meds their entire two week titration, but I fucking love them at the moment. Hopefully they'll continue to work this well, and I can get lots more done. :3 ....okay, lots more RPing, I won't lie. I would like to get back where I balanced seven characters at once with no problem. >_> But...y'know, it'd be nice if I could work, too.
We watched yet more Doctor Who this weekend, too. We're into the fourth season, which is suddenly a bit dark....well, okay, that started the end of season 3. But still...everything's gone depressing, and it doesn't sound like that'll be changing anytime soon. Still, the writing's fantastic, and I'm loving it.
Also, Dan apparently bought a sonic screwdriver from ThinkGeek, and now we torture the cat with it. :3
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So apparently, according to this cardiologist I saw, I have a new condition that explains my fainting rather directly- autonomic neuropathy. Basically, when you stand up, the blood vessels in your body constrict to all for more blood flow to the brain. Wellll, mine doesn't do that, so my blood pressure drops significantly when I stand. He demonstrated this by having me stand and taking my blood pressure until I pretty much passed out. >_> AND there is apparently a medication to take that will fix it, at least for four hours. Yaaaay. So I'm trying that. He basically said that this is a serious condition that I'm going to have for all my life, but this medications fixes it entirely. I'll likely still have the whole vasovagal problem, but that'll only cause me to get dizzy under extreme stress situations, not every day. He also told me that he'd never seen someone's blood pressure just...disappear like mine, so apparently he's pretty damn confident in his diagnosis. GUYS- if this works, it means I could work! I could actually have 6-8 hour work days and get things done and not be a lump on my bed. So yeah, I wasn't expecting much out of this visit, but it REALLY didn't turn out that way. I love today. Also- I am soooo incredibly dizzy now. RP stuff is gonna have to be slow or not at all till tomorrow. Come back, brain! I neeeeeed you. I was going to write about Thanksgiving and how awesome not working Black Friday is and how my heart goes out to those who have to- but I think that'll wait till later. <3 Current Mood:  pleased
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I don't talk politics on this journal terribly often- mostly because I don't like politics, and I don't like to be bombarded with politics in my Entertainment Time. But I appear to be confusing a few people, so just to clear this up:
No, I'm not happy the health care reform bill passed in the House, not in any way, shape, or form. It's been mangled so extensively that I'm surprised anyone is happy it passed, even its supporters.
My political views most closely follow those of an Objectivist, so- take from that what you will. I don't really agree with socialized anything, and socialized medicine would have a particularly personal and immediate impact on my life...and I seriously doubt it would be a good one. I feel this bill would hurt a lot more people than it would help.
I won't go into the political bits and pieces about all of it- I'm not particularly feeling like bombarding people with unpopular views today- but if anyone has questions on the particulars of why I feel this way, feel free to ask. And please don't worry if I take awhile answering- my migraine's still got it going on, sadly, but I'll get back to things. I do have a lot of experience watching what incompetent government involvement has done to doctors and medicine this past decade, and I'm actually a licensed insurance agent (crazy but true).
I mostly just didn't want people to keep 'congratulating' me, which...I don't really get, either. Even if I was in support of it, it's not like I've put forth any effort towards it. It sort of makes me wonder 'what did I do?' All I am is really rather sick, with no explanation as of why yet. ...yay?
Okay, back to the good stuff. There is a cat on my lap, and I am going to go pet him for a rather long time. And I think we're going to watch an amazing amount of Doctor Who this weekend. And I'll try to make a bigger dent in Sanctuary, which I'm really liking. :3
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So, for those of you in the RP world, I've had a migraine since Sunday. This is one of those "oh god, kill me now" migraines, which sort of explains my complete absence from the net on non-weekend days.
I dunno how long this will last. The last time I got a migraine this bad, it went on continuously for five months. ....but I'm not working now, except while sitting down on a comfy bed, so I can't imagine that'll continue that long. Still, even two weeks of this shit is far more than I need. Gah.
Anyway, I took a ton of pictures of City Park on Saturday, and hopefully I will someday be able to show them to you all. Also, Dan and I are steamrolling through the Doctor Who, and made it through the first two seasons of the new series. It is awesome, and- well, I do love David Tennant, I still miss Christopher Eccleston. He was awesome. And now I finally get that Heroes reference.
Someday, when I can watch TV again, I'll get my Netflix to play me some Sanctuary.
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I finished watching season 2 of Heroes last night- and I really need to consider just pulling out of most of the fandom groups now, I'm thinking, because that was far more enjoyable than watching it while listening to people moan about Maya or how stupid Mohinder was. And just for the record- Mohinder was a brilliant character in this arc. He played stupid a great number of times, but his actions later indicate that isn't the case. He had his own agenda, he was straightforward with people, and he'd re-evaluate his situation when given new information (e.g. when early on, Bennet made it clear that he was expendable). He never gave in on his morals- he never injected the virus into anyone despite all sides telling him to do it, and he lobbied for its destruction. And I think he really did hope he was changing Company policy for good (although I doubt he believed that was the case). I just...really loved him this season. <333 I also liked Maya as a character concept in Season 2, which- I know I'm like....one of five people.
So yeah, kind of fun to watch Season 2 without all the obnoxious fandom backlash.
Very last episode in the second season- Powerless. We can see the show start to crumble around the edges, at least in terms of the writing. This isn't to say they didn't have plot holes or overreactions before, but it was all tight and constructed well. And for the most part, that's true of this episode. But the parts that they changed? It is obvious. There's a scene in the alternate ending where Peter and Nathan end up talking that really pulls together the whole season for both of them, Parkman figures out how he can help realistically, etc. There is no scene with Angela, implying she was involved in Nathan's shooting that's barely referenced later. :P And the alternate scenes that had been shot with Elle and Sylar did a great job of developing Elle's character, something that was severely lacking in the third season. I just really sort of wish they'd continued with the virus getting loose and them following their plans, since flailing about didn't help them. And getting rid of the virus made Maya's character kind of...unnecessary. :/ Of course, even going with the original plans probably wouldn't have kept the writers from having PLENTY of free time to peruse fansites and lose their confidence, so...maybe season 3 was doomed anyway.
So yeah, I'm looking at watching Volume 3 like most people look down the hill just before they go down on a roller coaster. XD But since I'll be focusing more on Mohinder's story this time, maybe I won't be so o___O about it. At least his stuff was concise, even if it was apparently ripping off the Fly.
In other news, I'm heading to Dr. Kassan's office today. He's an excellent rheumatologist, but he also is VERY popular, so these are all day excursions. We'll literally be waiting for four hours before being shown ot a room. He's the one that fixed me up the first time, though, and...well, we'll try it again. I am a little bummed about going, since it starts the parade of endless doctors, but....eh. Hopefully something will come from it. >_> And it gets me off the computer for a little bit, which is probably not a terrible idea. I've continued to have some really weird eye problems (my right eye last night just started blocking everything with the flashing light thing you get when you stare at a light bulb- it was odd), and they are so exacerbated by staring at the screen, as much as I hate to admit it.
Cooking steak went REALLY well last weekend, so we're planning on doing it again this weekend. Seriously, it was freakin' delicious. Yay for fancy steaks. :9
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Hey, if anyone is interested in Polychromatic's Fourth Wall day, it's time! Feel free to go poke Sylar over here or Fred Burkle over here with your own account or any character! My internet access this weekend is spotty, but even if I get kicked off, I'll be getting back to people Sunday night at the latest. :3 And eeee, someone gave me an LJ certificate! :D Thaaank you, anon! I've got two characters I'm thinking of using it on, so if you let me know where you come from, I can point it in that direction. :D People are far too nice to me. <3 Plans for today: candy, horror movies, horror games. Dan's playing Indigo Prophecy, which is awesome at the beginning and degenerates into total crack. I'm gonna pretend it ends differently. XD
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It is snowing like crazy outside. I'd forgotten how it just takes over everything. Since I'm not driving in it, I don't have to worry about that factor, but I hope everyone else is being careful.
Went to the eye doctor today and found out that my fibromyalgia's struck there, too. My body's over-reacted fighting off an infection from all the way back in March- and that's been what's causing my dry, irritated eyes. I was just going in to get a new glasses prescription, but this eye doctor is very observant. I'd missed him in Florida.
Unfortunately, that means I've been subjected to heavy lights/air in my eye/etc, and thus not only have angry eyes, but a pretty good headache going as well. :P Ahwell. I finished my financial work until month's end so I mostly just have to sit back and relax anyway. I was just hoping to RP a bunch....:<
I'm definitely in too many RPs, and I need to cut back. But I really love each character I'm playing so I've no idea how to go about cutting or hiatusing or whatever. :P Grah, I should've known that malaise was going to go away as soon as I got into more stuff- I thought maybe I needed to find another niche, but apparently I just needed a full-on break. If I don't decide soon, though, the Silent Hill game's going to go by default, because I keep not having time to check on it or post. And the Silent Hill game is awesome guys, okay? I guess I'll just have to look over everyone practically and make decisions. Ones with less activity checks might win the day here. :/ I don't like having to fret over that stuff.
Of course, I can't do much until I can see again. XD
Oh! Last weekend, Dan and I went to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. We didn't stay long, because we're both hideously sick, but we went to the planetarium and wandered through the dioramas, looked at some rocks and the dinosaur exhibit. It was wonderful, for the couple of hours we were there. And the museum is freakin' huge- three giant stories of craziness. Dan lives an eight minute drive away from it and the zoo, so I'm pretty much in heaven.
Well- need to go attempt to read some tiny print and call a place to figure out where the hell my disability check is. :P Then, lunch.
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It was pretty much an impromptu vacation, and it was the greatest thing I've had in my life for awhile. I'd been worried about my health, as it was due to take a major dip that week. But I was fine. We even went to the zoo, which would've been impossible for me the past month. Mostly, though, I helped Dan get his apartment set up. It's a wonderful place, nice and open and bright and comfortable. Dan had a lot of furniture and other things to get, since he left a lot behind, but he did a great job with picking stuff out and it just added to the comfortableness. Suffice it to say, it's a wonderful place and I wish I was there right now, but I'll survive here at home for the time being. The plan is for me to go over there on weekends, so- any people I RP with, I'm going to start being MUCH LESS AVAILABLE Friday night to Sunday evening. Because we will be doing things IRL. Which is something I've not expected in my life for ages, but I'm very excited about. Dan is eight minutes from the museum and the zoo and Denver's City Park. Eight minutes. :D ( ANYhoo- here are some pictures of Dan's place: )The snakes both have nice spaces, and Lestat gets to be right next to the big bedroom window. I think this'll be really good for him. Apparently, he's back to moving around, so yay. I hope he's feeling safe again. So, tl;dr- YAAAAY. That is all.
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This is the best explanation for the Silent Hill: Dying Inside comics I have ever seen. And also why I tell people who love Troy to never, ever read the comics. XD or you can go here, if embeds aren't your thing. Damn, now I want to pick Troy up again. I'd probably have to do some psych review...you can only get so far on being an absolute bastard. There is a Silent Hill game up and running, though. Fans of the games and RP should go take a look at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) silenthell_rpg. It's just starting up, and the people there have taken great care to have all the right details and atmosphere. It's pretty nifty looking. :3 Come to think of it, I'm sort of having RP issues lately. I don't feel comfortable anymore, which is a good indication that I've hit the dip I inevitably get into sometimes, where I have less fun with it. Part of it was the thing with Poly, part of it is my own self-esteem issues relating to my recent health let-downs. Or I'm imagining that has something to do with it, because I suddenly don't feel comfortable posting with characters I've been fine with for ages. So I'm probably going to do what I usually do, which is apply to too many places, flake out due to health issues, feel bad, and eventually find a few characters I can play in one or two places that I'm happy with. I just hope this whole process doesn't take months again...and maybe that the flaking out be kept to a minimum. I hate doing that. :P Well, regardless, I will always have my private games, which I love. We'll see how the rest of it goes. When it comes down to it, it's just a hobby- my major one, but a hobby nonetheless. I'd write if I weren't doing this anyway.
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Just a warning for those of you dealing with me the next day or two, in RP or not: I'm going to be a little weird. I had a doctor's appointment today, with the Chiari specialist. We looked over the MRIs and he showed me- I don't have Chiari Malformation. So he won't be doing the surgery.
Worse than that, I'm back to square one. Again. I don't know what's wrong with me and it's getting exponentially worse. I have nothing to tell anyone if they ask what's going on.
I'm trying to think of my next options. There's a rheumatologist that helped me a great deal before, even if it didn't stick. I'll probably go see him. I don't know any neurologists in the area that are recommended, and even the best ones in Florida were baffled, so- maybe the rheumatologist can help with that.
I'm trying my best not to get upset, because I don't want to make myself sick for a week or something that way. But it leaves me feeling numb. I'm so used to being disappointed, it doesn't seem to take as long to sink in, now.
I'm going to hit 30 living with my parents. Fucking great.
In other news, I'm rewatching Heroes again. The first season I've seen a few times, but the second and third only got a once-over (and I haven't seen Heroes Unmasked at all, so this'll be my first time watching those). But it's fun watching people who didn't completely lose the genetic lottery (except for Ted- sorry, dude) get into crazy adventures. What a lovely bit of escapism that is. No wonder I play Sylar.
I still need to post pictures up of my parent's house- I'll try to push myself to do that next, give up a less emo entry here. Until then, wish me luck with things? I apparently need it.
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I worked at Hollywood Video for almost two years, and during that time, I've come across a lot of crap. So when I found a link to Rotten Tomatoes Worst of the Worst, I was curious about how much of it was expsed to. The results? #90 - Dragonfly: Excessively pretentious, and full of vague, cookie-cutter spiritualist messages. I almost didn't make it all the way through this one. #75 - Son of the Mask: Holy GOD, this movie was horrible. I loved the first Mask, so I grabbed this and threw it in while I was working at the video store. This was...painful to watch. It featured Alan Cumming as Loki, which I thought would at least be interesting, but it just made me feel sorry for the actor. Also, some SERIOUS mythology fail here, but...what else should I have expected. Be wary, folks, this one will burn your eyelids off. #61 - Good Luck Chuck - This wasn't terrible, it was just...lame. This was definitely after my love affair with Dane Cook was over, along with the rest of America. #60 - The Perfect Man - This one was NOT my idea. One of my coworkers wouldn't shut up about it, and stuck it in while I was working. This movie grated against everything in me. The 'message' made me want to hurl things. If I hadn't been working, I would've turned this off. And possibly run over the disk. #31 - The Covenant - I just recently watched this one, courtesy of Netflix. The sole purpose of this was to see a car break apart and reassemble itself, which happened ten minutes into the movie. I kept watching to see how amazingly ridiculous it got....it surprassed Indigo Prophecy level of fucking ridiculous, for those familiar with that game. #27- Battlefield Earth - My ex-fiance of 2002 dragged me to this damned movie IN THE THEATER. He at least offered to pay, and I love movie theaters, but damn it- I shouldn't have listened. This was the crappiest piece of film I've ever seen on the screen, and I couldn't escape it. I had no idea about the creepy scientology message until we were there, and...ugh. Wipe this one from my memory, please. #18 - The Master of Disguise - Aw, come on! I...wasn't really paying attention to this movie when I caught it on cable, but I thought it was cute enough. Turtle, turtle, turtle. And I still can't believe that Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 exists. But hey, I've dodged the bullet there, at least.
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Well, hopefully things will stabilize again, but my health took another sharp downturn today. I had a panic attack over nothing (I haven't had one since March), and I've felt antsy, anxious, and wrong all day. I took some time to seriously relax tonight and now I've got carpal-tunnel-fingers and I'm feeling like I generally do when i'm going to faint. Awesome. At least I'm leaning back against pillows in case that happens...although I think a lot of people would assume that was just sleeping, at this point. XD I thought maybe I was just getting overwhelmed with everything- I don't have a lot on my plate, really, but when going up and down the stairs twice within an hour requires a two-hour rest....uh, yeah. Overwhelming tends to happen really easily. Basically I can pick one thing to do and do that for the whole of my day. And lately I've had a lot more than one thing that needs doing. If this keeps up, I'm really going to have to look seriously about dropping the few RP things I've got. Which sucks ass because: A) it's not that much, and B) I don't like disappointing people. But I don't like stringing them along with promises of what I'm going to do...when that never happens, either, so. Yeah. The only reason I'm really thinking about it at the moment is that I'm so sick I haven't even felt like RPing, really. Like that time I got an all-expense paid fellowship to Japan and decided I couldn't go, that's sort of a sign to me. I don't know. I really hope this blows over. I watch TV sparingly, I read, and I RP. That's it. That's all I can do. And only one of those things involves interaction. I do think it'll get better, though. This is the end of a very long day, after all. blar. This was an attempt to stop worrying and it helped, a little. ETA: Right after writing and starting to seriously consider having to drop stuff, I stumble across a panfandom Silent Hill game just starting up. Of course. I hate you, Murphy's Law. ....or whatever law that actually is. Current Mood:  sick
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-MRIs/Doctors-
Got my MRIs done with, and the general exam tired me out but was really good. The doctor I talked to determined that I'm taking pretty good care of myself and I was able to get the go-ahead to get off the savella (which has sadly only had worse side effects, rather than better) and move back onto the Lyrica. I have a better overall diet, so hopefully this won't make me balloon like...um, a balloon. But regardless, I think I'll be sleeping better.
-Disability Things-
Target is awesome. I have known this for ages. But they approved my disability and are paying me 100% of what I would've been making there. This is still not quite enough to completely cover medical expenses, but it goes a long damn way. So thanks, Target, for being freaking awesome. I was not expecting to get it approved, much less anywhere near this much.
-Heroes-
Appreciated it all, except the lack of Mohinder. Of course, I'm not going to start yelling at the show for that, but I would like to see him. I'm just hoping he plays an important role later in the season. But anyway- Sylar scenes were awesome, and I have to say that I'm really liking Peter and his new outward obsessiveness. I can totally get behind that. I think I'm going to really like this season, but even if it does fall into convoluted silliness, I know it's still going to be Epic.
-New apartment-
Not mine, but Dan's. He decided he liked it and wanted it and got it all within the span of a morning. I have to admit, it is pretty awesome. So Dan will be here soon- move in date is the twelfth. Awesome. Also, Dan was here and we watched much Star Trek together. Oh, and my parents love Dan to death- no, not literally. Sickos.
I do feel a little cranky today, because there's more roofers in the neighborhood- and generally, hearing hammer meet nail for 10 hours straight does not do awesome things for my headaches. But I really have had a lot of great things this past week, so i just wanted to note it.
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Dan got the job! :D He got here yesterday, had the interview in the morning, and got the offer in the afternoon.
So-- hooray, my boyfriend is going to live in this staaate. :D We're gonna go check out apartments tomorrow, see if he can find someplace that he'll be comfortable and isn't too expensive. Hopefully they won't mind my snakes being there (as...um, my parents would not be okay with the snakes being in this house :< ), but we'll see how it goes. At the very least, Easter will be coming over. I'm just excited that he'll be here, really. And it's always fun to look at models, etc. >_>
ANYWAY, I mostly just want to add that I'll be around less than expected for RP purposes for the next day or two. But it's for a good reason, we're figuring out awesome stuff here. :D
*dances*
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I've felt crummy all week, but this is the second day in a row where I've been flaring more often than not. Not cool, man. Seriously not cool.
And I've run out of True Blood to watch ("PIG! GET BACK HERE, PIG! PIIIIIIG!"). No more for another couple weeks, I have to wait with everyone else. :P It's a good show, though, with an excellent plot and compelling characters. So...like the rest of the internets, I highly recommend it. Any other shows that are good to watch? I'm thinking of starting up Supernatural again. And I know Dan would appreciate me watching Doctor Who.
Apologies to RP people. I am slow in my sickly-ness, and flares definitely do not help. Also, I am trying to start up a half-business while I am stuck here, and so that is unfortunately taking up a good chunk of my dwindling energy. I'm hoping I continue to have enough for that. :P
Oh, and my long-term disability claim got rejected, with no explanation. Maybe I'll get one in the mail. Whatever, I wasn't expecting anything anyway. I just always get a little sting when I'm rejected for anything. >_>;
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Okay, now that I have more than one character, maybe I should have a little organization. ( Sylar )( Fred )In other news, Heroes Season 3 came out today and I didn't buy it. This isn't because it sucked...Vol 4 was actually quite good. I just didn't have any money. I can't even pretend to have money. Hell, I can't even drive to the store to buy it, technically. :P It's just kind of weird, because it's an end of an era for me, I guess. I got used to being there when the DVDs came out...and yeah, I'd get a little obsessive over the boxes themselves. Target always has really nice exclusives (you tend to get better packaging artwork and an extra disc with something), so I'd always have the deluxe of both Dexter and Heroes. And regardless of everything else, I know I'd get that. Sort of my treat for dealing with other crap. I don't really collect much anymore, but I am still a collector. Generally of practical things, but I always like to make sure they're perfect and in perfect condition. Eh, they're just things, in the end. That reminds me- Dan is flying out mid-September for an interview. :D So I'm really excited about that. It's sounding very optimistic.
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I can't sleep, again. This is the fourth night in a row that I've been up past 4am, and it isn't as if I don't try- yeah, I stay up on the computer until about midnight, but then I try to sleep. And I stare at the ceiling, and the pillow, and the lights going on an off in my room. And I get increasingly more depressed and I just say 'fuck it' and wander around the internet until I drop off. I wake up and shuffle around like a zombie, I never feel rested or awake enough to really accomplish anything- even my RP writing feels half-assed- and then I repeat the cycle. I would like to think that this is just the result of me getting a hideous stomach flu, but I feel like it's been long enough...almost two weeks. Maybe my meds just aren't working anymore. I'm trying not to get my hopes up for the Chiari specialist. He's likely to tell me it's not enough for surgery, and then i'm back at square one. I know everyone knows already, but I'll say it agan: I did not want this to be my life. I didn't manage to leave my bed once today, other than to head to the bathroom. It's almost offensive how useless my body's gotten. Bah, okay, that's not what I really want to do with this post. I thought maybe if I put something up, I'd feel a little better. So have some pretty things to look at. ( Time for photos, and lots of them )Okay, that did make me feel better.
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Oh, hello, tornado sirens. Why the hell are you coming on at one in the morning? I know for a fact there's no tornadoes. Do you want to take me to a MAGICAL land full of rust and blood and dead wives? :D? No? ....then why are you sounding. I can't be too upset- I got my ~*~laptop~*~ yesterday and have been setting everything up like crazy. I seem to have this down to a fine art, which means I can get the computer reformatted, everything reinstalled, 80 GB of media moved over and at least most of the settings I want in a day. The whole reason I have a new laptop is kind of funny, too- the fan broke on my old one AGAIN. And so I went to Dell Support and went "hey, my lappy is sad, and now it's kind of burning things." And for some reason, this time they figured that might be a safety hazard. Their solution? To send me a new one. :D :D :D I'll take it. So they did, and very quickly I might add, but they didn't even send me the same model. They sent me a newer model. This laptop is better than my old laptop for these additional reasons: -It's black. And SHINY. -The media buttons are on the inside instead of where my big fat fingers can poke them on the outside. -The sound is better....apparently there's some HD driver that causes this. -The screen is brighter- which is sadly not helping my poor dry eyes right now. -It played a DVD on the FIRST TRY (srsly, none of my DVD-ROMs or RAMs have ever worked before) -It has a WEBCAM in it. :D -It's lights are blue. :3 -Repositioned jacks all make a lot more sense (power on the side, headphones on the front) -It has 6 USB jacks. SIX. I don't know what I'd use that many USB jacks for, but I have them. -It is thinner and lighter, which is a huge bonus for me, since I used to have to get help to carry my laptop down the stairs. >_>; -It has a larger hard drive by about 30 GB. -Did I mention it is shiny? I will eventually take pictures. I have named it Xanatos, because it is merely that amount of Surprise and Awesome. ...and now that the sirens stopped, I think I'll attempt that sleeping thing again. Or I'll play some SH2. I haven't really decided. Current Mood: pleased
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To Do:
-Learn to suck the lifeforce from others and convert it into energy to power myself. I am tired of flopping around like a lazy ragdoll, time to do something about it. B|
Also to do:
-Apply for SSDI (oh, doesn't that sound fun?)
-Grandma finances (both of them)
-Finish RP Application #1
-Figure out character and complete RP Application #2
-Shower. ftlog.
-Sandralar.
-Poly!Sylar fight with Illyria
-Clean up room.
-Get out of bed.
Maybe not in that order.
My grandmother's visiting and almost seems jealous of my health issues, because she's complaining louder and louder about her knee. I don't know if she thinks I'm being overdramatic taking five minutes to climb the stairs or what. But she's 83, and complaining that she 'moved just fine last year' while I'm trying to keep from falling over at 29 is not going to get a huge amount of sympathy from me. I mean, yes that sucks that your body's no longer working perfectly, but c'mon.
Health issues themselves had gotten slightly better till this week, when a baseball game pushed them back into Terrible status. Angry flare is angry. So that list up there is probably...not getting completed until the end of the month, if that. :P It's more hopeful optimism....I am so not kidding about the lifeforce thing- my nephew can handle a little less lifeforce, seriously.
Upside of things? It's looking like I'm going to get paid $350 a month to do about keep track of family finances (which takes maybe fifteen hours a month), and that'll cover....my health insurance. But at least I'm not being a total and complete mooch. Hooray!
Thanks to everyone who gave me well-wishes last post. I really do appreciate it. I've got an appointment with the Chiari specialist September 11, and I'll figure out what's going on then.
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So I've been waiting until I'm properly settled to talk about how I'm doing. But hey, it's looking like my definition of'properly settled' is something that isn't going to happen, so I might as well go into it. Living here is harder than I thought. It's not the fact that I'm living with my parents- who are thoughtful and extremely considerate people, by the way. It's not that I'm away from friends and people I love (although that IS difficult, it's just a difficulty I accurately predicted. And the work I've been given to do on my laptop so far has been actually vastly easier than expected. Nope, it's my health, again. I did extremely well coming over here, thanks to Dan's awesome driving and the comfort of the rental vehicle. I mean, seriously, that minivan? Best car ever. I will not even go into all the awesome details since I've already done so, ad nauseum, with Dan....who probably didn't need the information, as he was driving it. I even had three days where we ran around and did a bunch of stuff- Dad was nice enough to drive us up to the mountains on one day. And it was great, and at the end of it I was tired, but...not too bad. Dan flew home and I guess I just let myself relax too much or something, because that was when I started getting the real bad issues healthwise. In the last week and a half, I've had three migraines (or one really long one, possibly), been reduced to about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night, and I'm constantly out of breath and dizzy. I've had several 'spots in the eyes' moments, a few 'so dizzy I cannot tell what other people are telling me' moments, and an actual brownout. I haven't had a brownout since May. This one was apparently caused by me getting slowly up from bed, which makes no sense at all. My real bane, though, is the stairs. I'm shaky and unsure on the stairs, to the point where I'd better really want to be on the floor I'm going to for awhile because I'll have to sit down afterwards. I only very rarely feel okay enough to take my laptop with me, so I end up with lots of times of being called down for something and then getting stuck because I can't get back to my computer. My parents are to the point where they're talking about converting my dad's office into a bedroom and I just- no. My room is up here, and it is NOT directly under my parent's bedroom and it does not have glass doors and a fireplace that you can look through to the living room, so I can pretend to have some measure of privacy. Moving my room would be too much. I know, I know-- I need to get used to the new area, need to figure out new routines for keeping myself healthy, need to give it some time. It's just that I've heard that before- and I've told myself that before, and frequently, it doesn't get better. Not just by 'giving it time' anyway. Anyway, everything here is really nice (except for the constant mention of golf), and I really like a lot of the life I'm being set up for here. There's a lot of upsides. I'm trying to focus on those, but once again my health is getting in the way. And not being able to stand up for more than ten minutes without being significantly dizzy, confused, or both is really kind of scaring me. So I guess my health is that giant Nintendog that stands in the way of me seeing the Super Smash Bros. game of my life. ...that metaphor really doesn't work, does it? Bah, it's all I can think of. Anyway, for those that roleplay with or talk to me online, if I suddenly disappear and don't keep chatting or tagging-- it's probably because I'm stuck somewhere and can't make it back to my computer. I'm sorry, it's just going to be that way- hopefully not permanently. Current Mood:  worried
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So, for the past couple of days, my computer intermittenty decided it didn't have a wireless card. Thanks so much, laptop. I think it's just angry because one of the fans broke (this seems to happen every summer) and so tends to be approximately the temperature of the sun's surface when turned on. I've gotta say, I understand. I've pretty much been melting the last few weeks. As much as I really don't want to leave, I will NOT miss the heat. It's worse not having a job with air conditioning to go to. Now, just to clarify, our house does have an air conditioner. But there's a patio roof built over it, so the hot air the AC expels? It just gets sucked back up. Our AC isn't exactly at its best. It means it's pretty humid in here- which I apparently deal less well with than most people. Stupid water, hanging out in my air, making me constantly sweaty and gross. B| Luckily, our pool's been fixed for awhile, and we pretty much get in it every afternoon to cool off. It's the best pool ever, with an 8-9 foot deep end. The new pump is strong enough that it builds a current that runs through the whole pool- you can float around in circles like a lazy river. It's wonderful. I just finished my last assignment for school. So, as long as I get my exit interview with financial aid done, I should be ready to graduate with an Associate's Degree in Accounting! I think. ...I'm going to have to go ask someone. It's more difficult when you're taking classes online and you never actually see your advisor (who never knows anything anyway). AND I have to find out my financial situation. I'm terrified that some odd loophole is going to mean that I'll get my insurance taken away from me, which- I've been assured by three or four people that it's not, but...things are too vague. I need to clear it up. But instead I'm writing this post. Hooray, procrastination! :D theoregontrail promises shenanigans. I think I'm going to have to give it a try, regardless of a lack of time. And now I've run out of procrastination material. I better go do what I'm supposed to, before I let myself get sucked in by TV Tropes again. Horrible, horrible place.
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To do before I leave Florida (third week of July):- Moving budget (remember boxes)- Straighten out the days we’ll be traveling- Rental Truck Van? - Figure out a route- Figure out how to transfer my car and car loan to Dan- Find out about disability- Possibly apply for disability (bleh) can't till move is complete. - Show Dan how to feed the snakes- Set up budget stuff for Dan- Decide whether I’m taking my TV Nope. So not enough room. - Packing - Complete my last class Ahaha COMPLETE. :D - Graduate (Accounting degree, yay!)- Tell parents about school loans (...boooo)- Go through my clothes, trash ones that should be trashed (I currently have two wardrobes worth of clothes, of which I wear maybe 10% regularly) - Make sure the pool gets fixed- Swimming (I love swimming- it's the only time I don't feel like my body royally sucks)- Go to the beach at least once ('cause...it's here) - Pool party It was awesome.- Refill prescriptions: Lyrica, Yaz, weird cream thing, Savella, thyroid, and Metformin- Make sure computers are properly backed up- Warn RP groups of upcoming hiatus (best to wait until it's closer) - Snap poly!Sylar before this (well on my way)- Figure out what to do with my knives (what? It's a valid question)- Take old electronics to the ebay store (alternatively-- anyone want a barely used PSP, an iPhone with a cracked screen, an 80 GB Zune with a bad HD, or a perfectly good 30 GB Zune?)- Say goodbye to my Target (blar. I will miss it)- Figure out basic insurance issues (cost of COBRA)- Get my Dexter s2 back from Donald- Get Cloverfield back from Nick- Plan stuff to do while Dan is in Colorado- Clean up the Crazy Table (i.e. the prop from Number 23 and my nightstand) - Take more pictures- Get Silent Hill 2 and 4 on my computer…somehow (I love those damn games)- See if my lappy needs another new fan (this'd be the third time I'd have to get it replaced :P ) (After I move)- Drive up and down A1A one last time - Say goodbye to my car (;_______;)- IHOP with friendsAh, I actually do feel a little better. I think that's everything. I just gotta keep working when I'm feeling good, get as much done as I can when I'm doing all right, and this shouldn't be a problem. This was also a good deterrent for picking up new characters. XD Sorry, Ted, you stay in the box for awhile longer. Tags: cloverfield, dexter, home, rp, school, the number 23, travel
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It's been a long time since I've written about what's going on with me. This is not for lack of events. I think I've just been waiting until I had some serious word to give on the health stuff. Also, I've been kind of floundering in the health department, and I didn't really want to write when I was feeling all whiny. Anyway! I am now officially diagnosed with a chiari malformation. This was the picture that did it: ( LOOK, it's my brain. :D )It also means that I'm pretty decided- I'm moving back to Colorado with my parents. If I can't get rid of this whole thing where I faint, I can't exactly work reliably with...anyone. And maybe it'll go away, but so far it just seems to be getting worse. I can't really stand and walk for more than twenty minutes before I start getting woozy. So- I'll be back home where I might be able to manage an at-home accounting consulting position. I don't want to move, but I do miss Colorado, and my family. So I guess that'll be something. It does feel good to have that settled. I hate important decisions floating in the air more than just about anything else. I'm really going to miss this place, though. And the few people I do know here. And the beach. Eh- I'm trying not to think about it too much. I have until mid-July. Now, onto the other, possibly more important things. Like STAR TREK( Which also happened to be right before my birthday. )Oh, and upon coming back, I found out about ontd_startrek, which is the best community ever. For me, anyway- although I'm a huge lurker. >_> I don't have much to contribute, other than :D :D :D Well, and maybe some Zach Quinto pictures. But I don't want to let onto my giant secret Heroes cast gallery. ....okay, too late. Also, we're watching Buffy....yes, again, for some reason. We have all these new things, and we're watching something we've both seen. But it's good! We've already made it all the way up to the start of Season 4. Mmmm, college. Current Mood:  hopeful
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Okay, so! A meme. (it's been far too long and you know it) Ask me a question about my roleplaying characters in context of the game. It can be any question, about relationships, history, plans, what they're doing right now, romance, what they want to do, their favorite comfort foods, anything. It just has to be about the character in game context. I will do my best to answer the question in as much detail as possible.Feel free to ask questions of old and retired characters, too! I've been superbusy of late and I miss playing most of them. :P Also, because I'm really only playing one character right now. >_>
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My doctors narrowed this down to one of two possibilities: 1) it's straight-out fibromyalgia, I'm in a bad spell, and something completely separate and random is causing my fainting issues; or 2) I have a chiari malformation, which would cause all my symptoms. They're both essentially treated the same, as the only way to 'cure' a chiari problem is to do surgery on the opening to the skull in the back of the head. They only do this surgery if the patient is severely incapacitated.
I talked to my Dad about my current situation. He said that it's looking unlikely that I'll be able to reliably support myself anywhere, and I think I probably agree with that. It hurts to say, but that's just how it is. If I kept pushing, I'd either have a serious accident on the job or I'd develop more serious symptoms until I literally couldn't walk again.
I feel like I'm whining even now, writing this. Like I'm trying to justify myself for making the decision I've already made.
My parents want to support me, but to do that I have to move back in with them. I don't really see any other option, unless I want to do worse and worse at my near-minimum-wage job and rack up more medical-related debt until they finally fire me. I'm lucky to have parents to do that for me.
But I don't want to leave. This house in Daytona is my home and I want to keep it that way. I love Dan and I don't want to live 2000 miles away from him. I'm going to look into online positions, see if there's anything I can get accountingwise with no real experience, but I'm not holding out too much hope.
Going back to Colorado is giving up. It's admitting that "yeah, I don't think I can build anything out of my life." It's not like I won't still try, but what can I build out of needing flexible hours to work around my random days of "I hurt so bad I can't pay attention to anything else"? What can I plan for at this point that won't implode in on itself like the last three 'plans for my life' I've had?
Change is coming. Usually I look forward to it, but not when it's putting me right back where I started.
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Blarrrgh. I have a five page research paper on the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act due tomorrow, and I woke up with my migraine back in full force today. I have not yet started this research paper, because I've been doing my best to feel better in between MRIs, VNGs, and various other crazy medical tests, so my classwork's been moving along at a snail's pace.
I love research papers (I know, I'm a weirdo), but I just...cannot write a long one on a boring subject in one day. So I am trying to force my brain to work and all it is giving me is- well, it's not helpful, let's put it that way.
ARGH. I thought I'd have so much extra time, taking a break from working- I figured I could RP more, and start applying for other jobs, catch up with people I haven't been talking to, clean the house, etc. But apparently, this just means that all the health issues I've been holding in for work are finally busting out now and hitting me hard. Three out of the past seven days have been spent feeling too crappy to move from my spot, let alone accomplish anything.
I'm getting a little scared. I can't work, at Target or in an office, if I'm going to be too sick to do anything on a randomly-picked half of my days. I need to work. I need to have something to show for my life other than the fact that I started it. There's a lot of things I'd be satisfied with, but...all of them require that I am up and about 80% of the time.
I'm scared. And whiny, I know some people have less than this. A lot of people do. I don't want to lose what I have, I guess. And I don't want all the time and effort and money to amount to nothing.
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So, I've mostly been waiting to ffind out my situation before I commented. A week before Monday, I walked into work with an order from my neurologist that I was only to be on 'light duty' or 'sedentary duty'. A week before yesterday was my last day at work. My schedule was suddenly cleared out and my boss said to me, "We don't have any obligation to give you any hours. So we're not."
I freaked out a little, I have to admit.
So I tried to figure out wtf was going on, and after missing my HR rep several times (he actually admitted to dodging me until he could find out more, and he apologized), I finally caught him on Tuesday. Apparently, I qualify for short-term disability, which means I'd be getting half my paycheck. Which is still not enough to cover everything, but come on, that's way better than nothing. I guess I'd been paying an extra $4 a paycheck to have it.
So I'm thrilled with how that turned out. I was all worried about losing my insurance and having to go on COBRA or...anything. And now I'm getting disability. Or will be. Also, I vaguely disliked my boss before- now I hate him. But hey, I won't have to see him for awhile. And the HR guy is good. Target restores my faith once again.
I've done some budget rearranging so that it's a little easier for me to handle things. My parents are being awesome and stepping in for what I need help with, which hopefully won't be much...they don't want me getting in debt due to medical bills again. My parents are wonderful.
My Business Law class is being a pain in the ass- or maybe it's just because I'm still feeling crummy (it's still difficult for me to be awake a lot of the time, and I'm in pain a lot, but nothing near when I was working), but the amount of work for it is staggering. Thank freakin' god for this leave of absense thing, because I don't think I'd make it, otherwise.
Went to a neurosurgeon today- he said I might have a ruptured disc in the low cervical region- but they almost never operate on those, and they go away eventually. He was worried about the fainting, but doesn't think it's something surgery can fix, so....he wasn't going to be any help there. But he got me muscle relaxants and an order for physical therapy, and I really appreciate both of those.
Spoilers are getting me really excited for the next few episodes of Heroes. ....of course, I was really excited for the flashback episode in Volume 3, too, and we all know how that turned out. :P Hopefully, this will stay true to course. It looks like it will be.
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Apparently I need to see a neurosurgeon next. :/ They think I've got a pinched nerve at C8, which is just below where i had my diskectomy, and they ALSO think that the fainting is cause by the Vagus nerve being pinched. They think that the Vagus nerve is being 'activated' which is causing my fainting. This is...apparently fairly serious, and they've given me an order to not lift anything over ten pounds, and to not stand while working. This means that instead of working in Electronics, I'll likely be putting signs into signholders for 32 hours a week. :/ But we'll see. I'm going to petition to sit at the Electronics desk and help people from there, because otherwise I will die of boredom. Blar, I knew this wasn't good, but now it looks like it's going to take forever too. I'm trying to feel better about actually taking care of it, but...eh. In better news, my final for Management is done and I pretty much aced the class. :D I have Business Law next, which will probably suck more, but I won't be killing myself with overwork by then, so maybe I'll be okay. Thanks to everyone who wished me well in my last post- I really do appreciate it. <3 You guys really don't have to read my health-whining, but thanks for being worried about me.
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I'm doing a little better since my last post. We're almost done with tests...the last is tomorrow, and I'm hoping I get to talk with the doctor and figure some of this out. I have to be careful- when I go to the doctor, I have the tendency to leave stuff out, partially because I'm worried I'll sound like I'm whining, and partially because there..er, tends to be a lot. In an effort to be ready, I'm writing down all my symptoms, and hopefully it'll come together into...something. ( Increasing Symptoms )tl;dr, this is not cool, and I can't keep working like this. So hopefully the doctor will have something I can try that doesn't involve surgery or another round of those TP injections, because those suck. Today's test was an EMG, which involves sticking needles in my muscles and seeing what comes of it. ;-) Unfortunately, there was also a nerve conduction test, which is basically sending an electric shock through the arm to see how the pathways are operating. Usually it's not too bad for people, but if you've got fibromyalgis....it sucks. This woman was merciful when she found out, though, and only did one arm, and stayed away completely from my neck. She thought I might have a problem at C8, which is just below where I had surgery. I wouldn't be surprised. ....but that's a surgery thing, and I shouldn't need more surgery things, dammit, I just had spinal surgery and I'm not even 30 yet. :P *pouts*
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